I’m sure that many people, upon hearing that I undertook a VBAC and went through 40 hours of labor with 3.5 hours of very intense pushing to deliver a giant baby flipped the wrong direction, will wonder why. Why do it? Why didn’t I schedule a c-section and be done with it? Or take the so-many-times offered c-section?
This is why.
These are my babies, too. And after the first c-section, all I had to do was sit and nurse my only baby and my pain. It was perfect, really, because it was enforced one-on-one time with him, and I’m so thankful for that time because we have a great bond now. But that bond made me realize that I would find it absolutely impossible to adhere to the strict weight lifting limits or tolerate the strict off-limits policy on my belly. Because my other baby just couldn’t tolerate it.
The moment I walked in the door and Mitchell ran into my arms, I knew it was all worth it and I’d do it again. And later, when we had a rousing game of chase and tickle tickle, I found myself almost not minding the labor and delivery. And after juggling cuddling with Mitchell while nursing Rosie, I knew that this wasn’t just worth it, but necessary. I even overheard discussion downstairs of it probably being worth it.
Yes, I’m definitely in a lot less pain post-delivery than I was post-c-section, and that’s a selfish reason for wanting a VBAC, and I’m sure Rosie will benefit from being delivered VBAC, but mostly my decision for a VBAC was for Mitchell and, by extension, Justin. I can’t handle the thought of not picking him up and giving him a big hug. And a day without chasing each other around the house? Perish the thought. I still have two babies, and I never want either of them to question whether I have enough love to go around. I do. I know I do. And if I have to run myself ragged proving that to them, I will. Because the look on Mitchell’s face when I walked through the door melted my heart and made me realize that, in the end, their happiness is really my only goal. If I succeed there, I’ll consider my life a success.